My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
