just come out here and I will go home with you...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
