just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
