im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Randomize
