There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
