no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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