Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
dude i'm inner monologue high
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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