you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
