Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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