I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
