ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
there was a trapeze. enough said
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
