god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
