I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
