I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
