It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize