i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
