sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
