Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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