So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
