all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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