So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
