Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
