Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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