How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
