Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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