I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
