I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
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4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
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didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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