He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
