i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
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He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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