I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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