I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
