and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
