Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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