Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
