I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
