I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We talked him into tasing himself.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I need to align my fucking chakras
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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