and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
