this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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