Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
