I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
