I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
