i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
