I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
