You can't special order awesome
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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