Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
