when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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