Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Someone shattered a urinal.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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