fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
