i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
