We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
