I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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