i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
