If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
