He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
