There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
