its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
