How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i came on her dog
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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