You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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