You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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