...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
