Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
