Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
