It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
