the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she peed on how many people?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
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