Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
