so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
