we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
