its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm always down for nudity.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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