Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
