i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
