Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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