he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
