u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
