listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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