You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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