i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...