Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
