I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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