did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
