I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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