What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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