I wanna bring you to show and tell
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
